Warhammer The Old World battle report: Sands of Discord

As promised, I'm going to write a few more battle reports for Warhammer The Old World. Luckily I have a bit of material to work with from the first half of 2025. The downside is that all photos were taken during the game, so the quality is not exceptional. With that said, here's my report of the Battle in the Sandy Ruins where Bretonnian fought Bretonnian over the right to reclaim a mysterious relic.

Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Araby, where we lay our scene, From ancient rules break to new technology, Where narrative rules make narrative games unhinged. 

This 1,250 point game started with us wondering what we could do scenario-wise. I love a reason to be fighting that comes with some special rules, but the few missions in the core rulebook all suffer from (for lack of a nicer word) competitive-game-blandness. It's a problem that's been metastasizing (pun intended, with the emphasis on meta) for quite a while now. The special scenario rules in the book lean on extra victory points for an objective or a deployment rule. They don't really add a story element to the games, they add extra competitive edges. It feels as if someone's trying very hard to add 'Scenario-driven competitive games' to the bullet points on the back of the next box. 

At one point in the game, the Shifting Dunes lifted this tower up, only to set it back down again later. I think it might be wise to put a 'condemned' sign on the door.

To me a good scenario for a Friday-night's worth of gaming is a flimsy backstory coupled with one or two creative special rules that may or may not upset the entire balance of the game, but will likely add a bit of fun and mystery to the turns. Age of Sigmar had a wonderful pack of cards containing random scenario rules and twists a few editions back. I actually lost it (to my great grief), but it was a ton of fun to draw a card that turned the battle into an ambush by night (line of sight is 24" max) and added a drizzling rain (archers' range reduced by 6"). I still mourn my poor, shooty army that was obliterated by a spider rider raid in the night.

Using high-speed horses and magic, I lined my unit up for a perfect charge...well it would've been perfect if the enemy had been polite enough to stand still. 

I was thinking about this as I unpacked my models for the evening, when inspiration struck. Why not use AI? It's apparently going to end my career and make me (even more) useless as it will write better and faster than I ever can, so I might as well enjoy its unbound power. I could say something to the effect that it hasn't quite got me beat, but that's the line all obsolete geezers try. Anyway, I typed the following prompt into ChatGPT: 

Generate a Warhammer The Old World narrative battle with two Bretonnian sides, both bringing 1250 points to the table.

To my surprise, it actually delivered a rather interesting response...

Instead my intended victims sped forwards, leaving me with a dearth of possible enemies to charge. It's safe to say I still haven't gotten used to declaring charges before moving.

To be honest, the first response wasn't very useful as it not only gave special rules and objectives, but also told us what models we should've brought and how the battle went. But it was good enough for a second try. Hoping not to hurt its feelings I added:

Generate another scenario without specifying forces.

Out came a wonderful scenario with one tiny problem: it wasn't matched to our desert table. So I quickly added another question/prompt:

Another one please, assuming ruins on a desert table.

And with that our scenario was generated.

With the enemy floundering at their back, these knights got ready to murder a bunch of peasants from horseback. 

Allow me to quote ChatGPT:

"Amid the shifting sands of the Araby Desert lies an ancient ruin, rumored to be the burial site of a legendary hero. For centuries, the ruins have been guarded by the desert's harsh conditions and whispers of a curse. Recently unearthed by a violent sandstorm, the ruins now draw the attention of two rival forces—each seeking the treasure hidden within its crumbled walls."

"As the sun beats down and the wind whips the dunes into swirling chaos, the two armies prepare for a clash to claim the ancient legacy of the desert."

Now there's a fight I can get into on a Friday night, slightly reminiscent of the opening of The Mummy (the fun one, with Brandon Frasier). 

The brave knights in the center of the table watched in awe as a sand dune temporarily covered the oasis. It took them a few seconds to realize it no longer blocked their line of sight on the enemy archers. 

Before we could get down to the hard work of reclaiming the ancient legacy, we had to go over the generated special rules. First, the terrain: 

• Central Ruin: The focal point of the battlefield, featuring several crumbled walls and broken columns. Provides hard cover for units inside or behind.
• Sand Dunes: Scattered throughout the table, counted as difficult terrain for movement.
• Desert Oasis: Located on one flank, it provides soft cover and a potential retreat point for weary units.
• Rock Formations: On the opposite flank, impassable terrain perfect for funneling enemy advances.
• Shifting Sands: Randomly determined patches of quicksand (marked before deployment), treated as dangerous terrain.

We had some mysterious black ruins (not at all unpainted of course) to represent the central ruin. I placed a bit of yellow paper on top of my new hills to disguise them as Sand Dunes and used two other pieces to form the Shifting Sands. A tree stand by GW represented the oasis and a few other bits of black ruin as well as a rather dubious piece of terrain (long story) formed the Rock Formations.

Meanwhile, on the far side of the battlefield, my general was pretending this missed charge was the plan all along...

The game had two objectives:

• Primary Objective: Secure the central ruin by the end of the battle (a unit must remain within 3” to control it).
• Secondary Objective: Identify and recover a relic (represented by a token placed randomly within the ruins).

There were three possible outcomes:

• Major Victory: A player controls the central ruin and successfully recovers the relic.
• Minor Victory: A player controls either the ruin or recovers the relic.
• Draw: Neither objective is secured, or both sides achieve only one objective each.

There were three special rules:

• Desert Winds: At the start of each battle round, roll a D6. On a 5+, swirling winds reduce ranged attacks’ effectiveness, granting units -1 to hit with shooting weapons.
• Shifting Sands: At the start of each player turn, one sand dune moves 2D6" in a random direction (use scatter dice). This can block movement, obscure line of sight, or create new challenges.
• The Cursed Ruins: Any unit within the central ruin at the start of their turn must pass a Leadership test or suffer D3 wounds (no armor saves allowed), representing the curse's lingering power.

We actually completely forgot the Cursed Ruins rule during the game, making these scenario rules as effective as any ever written by GW (I firmly believe in ending a battle with the traditional 'oh dear, we forgot that rule.')

The peasants stopped cheering as their noble lords decided taking a charge in the flank was too dangerous. They turned tail and ran, leaving the enemy ample room to slam into the ragged ruffians that had (up until that point) counted on their noble lords for safety.  

Readers with a well-honed sense for rules may already have noticed a glaring problem with the scenario above. We discovered it didn't have a rule to find and claim the relic just before we got started. Luckily ChatGPT made a very complicated rule with three tokens that could contain the relic and a lot of dice rolls to find out if it was the right one. It also had rules for carrying and dropping the relic and (come to think of it) it basically gave us a variant of 'The Relic', one of my favorite missions in an older edition of 40K (I think I'm one of the few with that opinion (I also like the nineties Godzilla movie a lot (and consider it better than any of the others ever made))). 

Shifting Sands turned a charge over flat terrain into an uphill charge. This did not deter the orange-clad peasants who made their hayforks strike true. 

Anyway, on to the battle itself. I had deployed one unit of knights in the center (in wedge formation of course). The other one was on the right flank, it contained my general and my high-level Damsel on a unicorn. The peasants were divided into two groups, both consisting of 20 archers and 20 men-at-arms. My plan was to run one group up to an objective next to the ruins and if it turned out to be empty, use a movement spell (provided by my low-level Damsel) to hop on over to the center of the ruins. The other group would try the objective on the left and then take the fight to the enemy. 

The combat between knights on horseback and a lord on a royal pegasus versus peasants with bows was - to put it mildly - unequal. This did not stop the noble Bretonnian lord from issuing a challenge against the Burgher leading the rabble. 

I'm not entirely certain what my opponent was planning. I suspect his plan was to use my incompetence against me to avoid my flanking knights, punch through my center and then pound me into the desert sands until I gave up my search for the relic. As that is basically what happened, I think I'll stick to that assumption. 

When the battle started I expected the Desert Winds rule to be a major problem for our peasant archers. The -1 penalty to shoot would reduce their effectiveness. This fear was justified as it was a problem during the battle. On the plus side we both suffered equally as we had an almost equal number of peasants (now stop talking about equality within earshot of the peasantry, they might get uppity!).  

"I've got a brilliant plan, a real winning tactic. Instead of helping our own peasants out, charge those hapless bowmen. They look defenseless."  

The arrow-deflecting winds stopped at a spectacular point in the game. In the final round with the army crumbling around them, my knights, led by the battle banner bearer, charged into a unit of peasant bowmen. It must've been the wind dying down that made their stand-and-shoot action so effective. Their volley flew true and obliterated my unit, leaving one sad knight to thunder into the peasants. The unwashed folks quickly read through 'Fun things to do when in Courtrai' and opted for murdering him and his horse. 

"Keep hacking, those stubborn crazies will be down in the sand in no time!"

The other unit of knights, the pride of my army led by my general, lined up for a charge. There was one fatal flaw in their brilliant maneuvering at (magically induced) high speeds: they forgot that the enemy could move as well. The knights they flanked moved out of the way, leaving only a unit carrying a reliquary in charge range. It took most of the battle to rid myself of those stubborn fools. Meanwhile my opponent's knights just tore through my peasants as if labor shortages weren't their problem.

The sudden appearance of a sand dune did not stop these boisterous peasants from charging their suddenly elevated counterparts.

The rule that made this battle, even though it hardly shows up on the pictures, was Shifting Sands. The 'Sand Dunes' flew across the tabletop, blocking line of sight at inopportune moments. At one point my opponent's knights had lined themselves up for a perfect flanking charge into my peasant bowmen, only to be foiled as the hill they were standing on moved off to the side, taking them (and their horses) along for the ride. Realistic? Probably not. Funny as hell? Definitely.

A final group of flanking knights lined up on the new hill, ready to charge the peasant archers in the flank. It never happened as the ground beneath them moved, moving the knights out of position and saving the peasants. Fortune Favors the Bumpkins.

At the end of the day, with the flower of my nobility left bleeding out in the sand, I could only draw one conclusion: I have to get a Tomb Kings army at some point. That, and it was a blast of a game. We even looked for the relic a few times (although I can't remember if we found it in the end). All cynicism aside, I rather enjoyed using AI as a replacement for cards, tables or dice. The flimsy backstory was just right and the extra rules made the game more interesting. Expect more zany scenarios like this in the future.