Warhammer The Old World battle report: The Goblin Gambit

Fresh from getting their helmets dented on the Sands of Discord, my brave Bretonnian knights leapt back into action to fight a fancy tournament--only to be rudely interrupted by marauding Goblins and their larger (dumber) friends. What started out as the Grand Tournament of Parravon quickly turned into The Goblin Gambit.

Greenskins? On your tournament grounds? More likely than you think!

On yet another Friday night, I played a game of Warhammer The Old World. This time my 1,000 points of Bretonnians were reinforced by a second 1,000 point Bretonnian army a friend brought. Our opponents had two 1,000 point Greenskin armies. One consisting of Squig-loving Night Goblins, the other a Journal-based Troll-intensive list. As in my previous battle report, I asked ChatGPT to come up with some good scenario rules. Here's the prompt I used: 

Can you give me rules for a narrative battle where 2000pts of Bretonnians fight 2000pts of Goblins on a tournament field with 4 moveable objectives. 

Our friend the computer, who loves us all dearly, provided.

I sometimes wonder why I paint so much bric-a-brac (like kettles and chests), then an opportunity presents itself to use them.

We got this backstory:

The grand tournament of Parravon has drawn knights from across Bretonnia to test their mettle in a contest of valor. However, as the jousts begin, a mischievous Goblin horde—led by a particularly cunning Night Goblin warboss—descends upon the tournament field!

The Goblins seek to sabotage the event, stealing prized relics and running off with the spoils before the knights can react. With honor and tradition at stake, the Bretonnians rally to drive out the invaders, recover their sacred treasures, and restore order to the tournament.

We placed four important objectives on the tournament field. In the picture above, starting top-left with the rough tents, and moving clockwise, the objectives were:

1. The peasants tasty pot of stew.
2. A chest filled with tournament trophies.
3. The baron's favorite hanged peasant (no one dared ask which baron).
4. The lord of Parravon's Tournament Throne.

With the objectives on the table, it was time to check out the special rules. 

You can almost see the tournament master running towards his precious stands in slow-motion going "Nooooooo!", as the Trolls thunder towards them.

We received a battlefield setup, that we mostly ignored (because we already had a setup). We also ignored the rule that most objectives started under Goblin Sneaky Git control (because there were no Sneaky Gits available). What was left were the following special rules:

1. Moveable Objectives: Any infantry or cavalry unit (excluding war machines, swarms, or ethereal units) can pick up an objective by ending their movement within 1” of it. If a unit carrying an objective is destroyed or flees, it drops the objective at its last position. Units cannot march while carrying an objective unless they are Bretonnian Knights who have prayed for the Blessing of the Lady. A unit can pass an objective to another unit in base contact during the movement phase (costs half the moving unit’s movement).
2. Goblin Trickery: At the start of the Goblin player’s Movement Phase (Turn 2 onwards), they may roll a D6 for each remaining objective. On a 5+, a hidden unit of Goblin Scouts (Night Goblins, Wolf Riders, or Squig Hoppers) appears within 6” of that objective and immediately takes control of it! This represents the sneaky Goblins having stashed extra looters nearby.
3. Bretonnian Jousting Charge: If a Bretonnian unit charges a Goblin unit carrying an objective, they receive +1 Strength on the charge, representing their fury at the dishonorable thieves.
4. Grand Melee: Any Bretonnian unit engaged in combat with Goblins may choose to re-roll failed Psychology tests as long as at least one objective is still in enemy hands.

The victory conditions were:

• Major Bretonnian Victory: Recover all four objectives and eliminate the enemy general.
• Minor Bretonnian Victory: Control at least three objectives by the end of the battle.
• Minor Goblin Victory: Escape with at least two objectives and keep their general alive.
• Major Goblin Victory: Control three or more objectives at the end of the battle and prevent the Bretonnians from securing any.

With all the basic rules set, we agreed that any unit with a Strength of 5 or more could smash through scenery like tents or bleachers, taking it off the table. 

The sight of the stands tumbled upside down was so awesome, no one had the heart to take them off the table. 

A horde of Trolls found immediate use for the extra rule, smashing through the stands and leaving only rubble behind. It made me very glad that I (mostly) painted the underside of those terrain pieces as well. We left the throne standing in the mud, a precious relic like that has plot-armor that makes it invulnerable to everything, even a stampeding horde of Trolls. 

You can almost hear the Goblin say "Yesssss, I have all the power now," only to discover a throne is just a fancy chair.

A sneaky Goblin Shaman immediately went for the throne. It put its grubby hands on the seat, shouting commands at the Trolls while dragging the throne. 

Squig Hoppers turned out to be superb stew-thieves.

From the peasant's perspective, true calamity struck. Squig hoppers bounced past their tasty stew, taking it, and the kettle, with them. To think—that was grandmother's kettle. Never mind the stew, she'd want her kettle back!

Things that can (and will) blunt a lance: tournament fences.

A huge contingent of knights charged the trolls, only to have their charge broken by their own jousting fences. The tides of battle looked grim from the knight's perspective.

As brave as their charge was, the knights failed in their primary objective (retrieving the stew), although one might wonder whether they knew this was their primary objective.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the table, a second group of brave knights, supported by a Damsel and a large troupe of highly motivated peasants, cut down the Squig Hoppers and charged into a group of Trolls. Leaving the stolen kettle on the ground to fight off the furious foes.

The Dithering Knights of the Fence dithered, looked at the fence, and decided to guard the tournament trinkets instead. 

A third group of knights dithered, unwilling to have their pretty lance formation disrupted by a wayward tournament fence. The Trolls had a field day hurling insults at the knights, secure behind their knee-high fence.

Having a bow and arrows is a great advantage, it means you can hang back and watch others take all the risks. 

From up on a hill, a group of peasant archers saw a scary horde of Spider Riders sneak past the tents, ready to make off with the Baron's favorite hung peasant. The archers attempted to shoot the giant spiders, but the tents blocked their aim. 

Forcing the Trolls to retreat was quite a feat. Exposing their flanks to Squig Hoppers was something else, to put it mildly.

Despite their disordered charge, the Bretonnian knights managed to make the Trolls flee. But their wanton pursuit of the slimy giants left the knight's flanks dangerously exposed to another group of Squig Hoppers.

At this point in the battle, with two fanatics about to be revealed and a flank charge in the offing, the outlook for the knights was grim. Very grim, even.

Ser Blackheart the Unpainted and Malboude the Damsel moved in on the center of the table, trying to lend their aid to the fray.

To everyone's surprise the fanatics did almost no damage at all.

As the Spider Riders rode between the tents, stealing the hanged peasant, fanatics jumped out from a Night Goblin unit, swinging their gigantic steel ball and chains through a unit of peasants and the knights. Miraculously, only one peasant died. In the ensuing melee, the knights managed to cut down the Squig Hoppers that had charged them.

Full disclaimer: I've forgotten how Ser Blackheart and Malboude managed to get to that point of the table. The more important bit of the picture is the throne hiding behind the knights on the empty spot of the movement tray.

With luck on their side, the knights reformed into a lance, reclaimed the throne, and charged another group of Trolls. This time, there was no tournament fence to blunt their formation. Ser Blackheart and Malboude were near as well, having pursued another foe towards the table edge. 

The Dithering Knights of the Fence added their victorious cheers to the chorus.

The 'Dithering Knights of the Fence' secured the chest with tournament trinkets. 

Won't anyone think of poor grandma's kettle? That thing was expensive, I'll have you know!

The kettle with stew had somehow been left behind on the field, having been dropped by the knights that retrieved it earlier. 

The Spider Riders made off with the Baron's favorite hanged peasant. No one dared ask what they were planning to do with it...

Giggling on their leggy mounts, the Spider Riders rode off with the Baron's favorite hanged peasant. At the end of the game the Bretonnians had secured two objectives (the throne and the trinkets). The Goblins held one objective (the hanged man), but with one of their shamans near, the tasty stew was as good as theirs. We decided it was a minor victory for the Greenskins, making it a successful Goblin Gambit.