Bolt Action battle report: the curious battle of the time traveling troopers

A few weeks ago I managed to join my first game of Bolt Action (second if you count the demo game I played years ago). We ran a three player, objective based game. It pitted the US Airborne versus the early war German Afrikakorps versus my late war, losing the War Germans (I should read up on a more proper history at some point (or not)). As Bolt Action is a historical wargame we had to find a proper background to dress up our objective based scenario. No need to worry about a back story! I (quite often) work in marketing, so let's get the Mark Felton tune rolling and get ready for: the curious battle of the time traveling troopers...

To add to the realism of this Bolt Action story, I followed a 'make your pictures look like WW2 pictures tutorial'. This was in no way to hide the fact that I played with unpainted models.

<Continuing the Felton intro> Little talked about, and utterly insignificant, the most confounding battle of World War 2 was the curious battle of the time traveling troopers. It took years of research and multiple FOIA-requests to get one picture from the National Archives and confirm it actually happened. The picture quite clearly shows ill constructed bunkers, buildings almost 40,000 years ahead of their time and two glowing constructions. These are about to be assaulted by both the US Airborne and rather disparate German forces who seem to be rather antagonistic towards each other as well as towards the US military. Despite an utter lack of unit markings, hints of color, logic or reason we managed to track down the stories of a few survivors and an actual after action report. 

Objective 2 was one of the strangely glowing buildings. My small unit of grenadiers took a break from squabbling about seating in the halftrack to take possession of it.

Hauptman Schultz, the captain in charge of the defeated group of German soldiers seen approaching one of the glowing buildings was interviewed years after the war. He still recalled the stench of plastic glue emanating from the unpainted tiger tank under his command. "It was an odd sight. That tank. I remember the commander kept falling out. He had no legs! Anyway we approached one of these oddly shaped, glowing buildings. I ordered my unit to take control when we were suddenly zapped towards this strangely futuristic battleground. It made no sense at all. On our flank we saw Afrikakorps troops. They were still smiling as if Montgomery never happened! Their happy, fresh faces. We wanted to save them so we yelled at them to give up the war while there still was a chance. They did not take kindly to our advice and even fired at us at some point!"

This trench piece objective was quickly taken over by the Afrikakorps. Those showboaters just had to display an actual basic grasp of tactics. 

The Afrikakorps troops were also led by a Hauptman Schultz, this sameness in names was most likely caused by de Lloydian time travel effect. Desert Schultz (affecting a stupid German accent): "Ve vere aboutz to conquer ze vorld, ven ve saw....ah I can't keep this up...we were most definitively winning the war when a sudden flash of light transported us to a new battlefield. We saw defeatists at our left flank and Americans in front. At first we ignored these neutral US forces and opened fire on our defeatist allies. As tactics dictated we took to the trenches. These actual sound military tactics gave us a leg up on both enemies who were of the 'storming forwards into the line of fire' school of warfare."

Playing with club terrain saves time transporting buildings. That is a plus. Unfortunately some of the terrain looks a bit...unfortunate.

From the archives at West Point we found parts of the US after action report calling this battle 'sounds like nonsense, please destroy'. From the report: 'After a brief flash of light we found ourselves parachuting down besides odd ruins and shoddily made, cardboard bunkers. Luckily our clever trick of tying two parachutes to a Sherman tank worked out. Both our main battle tank and a half track safely landed and hit the ground running. We quickly decided to take control of the glowing buildings and a trench occupied by the Afrikakorps, their khaki pants contrasted oddly with the snow covered terrain around them.'

On the top left you see the Sherman. The turretless tank in the center is what remains of my King Tiger. I cleverly positioned my halftrack out of sight behind the wreck.

The after action report continues: 'Our Sherman took some fire from a King Tiger but managed to kill it with a return shot through the front armor. No one saw that coming. Behind the tiger we spotted a group of grenadiers squabbling over seats in their halftrack. Apparently they had more people than places. Their commander, by his gestures, indicated that they would walk if they could not agree on who got to ride the vehicle.' From the interview with Hauptman Schultz (the non-desert one): "It was a different time back then. Manspreading was mandatory, so we could not possibly tuck in to fit everyone in the halftrack. In the end I ordered my men to walk towards the glowing building as it was very close by. I took position in the safety of the forest, trusting our King Tiger to win the battle for us. It exploded seconds later. I think the plastic glue ignited when the Sherman shell detonated."

US Airborne troops take possession of the central glowing building. On the top right you can spot Afrikakorps troops taking cover in a building. Despite the utter lack of cover on the US side, almost no one got hurt in the ensuing gunfire.

Meanwhile further up field, the airborne troops and the Afrikakorps exchanged fire as the US troops tried to take out a halftrack with anti-tank grenades. Desert Schultz: "They kept missing. It was almost comedic. How we laughed and cheered on those yanks. That stopped when their Sherman showed up. If it could take on a King Tiger with one shot, it would spell death for our halftrack. Luckily the PAK on our defeatist countrymen's halftrack managed a lucky shot from halfway across the battlefield,. They destroyed the Sherman. We immediately decided to claim that kill as our own. 

My grenadiers get orders to charge. For mystifying reasons, they followed those orders.

Non-dessert Schultz: "On the far side of the battlefield the Airborne troops surprised my Grenadiers by jumping out of their halftrack. 'See,' I yelled from the safety of the forest, 'they can agree on seating, that's why we are losing this war!'. My troops, shamed by this harsh speech, charged the disembarked airborne unit. Half of them got shot by reaction fire. The rest where cut to pieces in the ensuing melee. Just as I decided it was time for a tactical retreat, my two adjutants were shot and our earlier war desert countrymen destroyed my half-track. I had only one option and legged it out through the forest - officer style. I never talked about the incident again. Until now that is. Why did I agree to this interview and why does my beer taste like sodium-pentothal?"

On the bottom center a sneaky Afrikakorps halftrack steals my objective and secures victory for that side.

From the US after action report: 'Even though half the German army was in retreat, the Afrikakorps relentlessly shelled our positions. We tried to shoot back, but it turned out trenches are rather useful in war. In future we should attach parachutes to trenches and airdrop them in with our units. For a brief moment we spotted a chance to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Then an Afrikakorps halftrack hit the accelerator and claimed the second glowing building. Taking deep breaths we blew into our parachutes to take to the skies again and fight another day, ending the battle in an Afrikakorps win. They waved at us and shouted we should stay neutral.'

I needed an extra picture so here's the Sherman minutes before my PAK gun took it out. I actually never heard of PAK guns before playing this game, so we can safely state that playing historic wargames is educational ;). 

And with that I'll end this silly battle report. Game-wise we had an hugely entertaining evening despite our untested armies, borrowed club terrain and weak grasp of the rules. I brought unpainted German grenadiers and a King Tiger tank I had to stick together over lunch to meet the required 1,000 points limit. I was afraid this monster would dominate the battlefield, two lucky sixes by one of my opponents proved that Sherman tanks can be quite nasty. The rest of the battle was a lot of fun. As all of our troops where veterans, most gunfire was a bit like the German shooting in 'Where Eagles Dare'. In the end I tried a charge with my unit that ripped it apart. Losing the morale test with my commander as the last of his adjutants died, gave the not-so good visual of the boss hightailing it towards the sunset as his troops died for him. I also had a good chuckle at the start of the game when I found out I couldn't fit my unit in my halftrack (I was one man over the limit). I kept asking my opponents to shoot one man, just so we could zoom along in our halftrack. They did not oblige, and shot my Tiger instead. Other honorable mentions should go to the anti-tank artillery the Afrikakorps brought along. It had clear shots every turn and missed everything. Also the US vs Afrikorps shooting on the other side of the table from me was highly Naked Gun-like in its efficacy. Make no mistake: Bolt Action is a lot of fun to play and we where quite proud to re-enact this historically important battle.* 

* Some details may not be entirely historical. Let's go for 'based on a true story', Hollywood style ;)